Worthy of their hire

My favorite workmen.

I’m thankful today for a few guys I haven’t hired yet.

Ok. I have hired them. For other things. Small things. Previously.

But I have been lucky enough to find a couple of vendors who take a long view. They have been smart enough and generous enough to offer their advice and expertise without expecting payment.

Free. That’s a price point I can get behind.

Daymon Well Drilling. They came out and assured me that, no, my well was not going dry—as a previous plumber had suggested.

Black Pearl Plumbing. Barry spent an hour talking to me about what we needed to install a clawfoot tub in the bathroom that has been missing a tub since we moved into the house.

Russell at Perfect Painting spent an extra couple of hours fixing our pump and I had to insist that he charge more than just the cost of the parts.

Southern gentleman? Yes.

Good businessmen? Absolutely.

See, they missed the chance to make a couple of dollars. On the other hand, when I do need a well, when it’s time for the tub to be installed, when I want to paint another room—who do you think I’m going to call?

I’ve spent a lot of time with theatre folks who don’t want to give advice because they’re not getting something back.

If you’re looking for the books to be always in balance, you are doomed to disappointment.

It’s about bread upon the waters.

Do a good job. Do good to and for people. The money will follow.

It’s hard in the arts, because there often isn’t much money. And often, when opportunities for repayment arise, they aren’t real opportunities. A 6’5″ Latino actor who helps a director unselfishly may not get the first part that comes along. (It could be hard for him to play an 8 year old girl.) But he could get the first recommendation for a 6’5″ Latino actor that she’s asked to provide.

It’s clearer in the world of the handyman.

I’m going to hire the people I trust. I trust them when they do a good job and when they don’t hit me with an exorbitant bill for every question.

I think generosity is always the best route to take.

And I am profoundly thankful that I tend to run into folks who agree with me.

If you’re going to be a fraud

Be a good fraud.

Seriously.

Since I started this blog, it has become a target for spam comments. I don’t suppose that is unique to my blog. I think they must have software that harvests blog URLs and randomly posts comments. The hope, I guess, is that the blog will have a large readership that will then see the link’s posted in the comment.

Now, let’s consider the math—and the odds.

First, how many bloggers allow unmoderated comments? Obviously, some must, or this would be a futile endeavor from the get-go. But, can it really be enough to make it worth the set-up costs?

Second, how many bloggers are crazy enough to approve these spam comments? They are so obviously fraudulent. I suppose, if you were blogging daily with serious nutritional advice or plumbing repair tips, a comment like the following might entice you to approve it.

I’ve been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all website owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.

What you need to know about this comment is it was made to go on my post NSFW. For those of you who don’t remember, this is the one with the incredibly silly pirate video posted on a Silly Saturday.

All of you wondering how to make the net more useful, take heed. Apparently, all it takes is silly pirate videos.

This one, too, might be tempting.

Thank you incredibly substantially for your exciting text. I have been looking for these types of message to get a definitely very long time. Thank you.

I didn’t realize there was an Alexis Smith fan out there who didn’t know how to use YouTube for his or herself.

I guess my tip is two-fold.

First, as a blogger, don’t be dumb enough to fall for this.

Second, if you’re trying to fake it ’til you make it, fake it better.

How many?

Do you think will show up?

I wonder.

Tomorrow is the first meeting of Round Robin Shakespeare.

For those of you who don’t remember, this is the program I am launching to read through all of Shakespeare’s plays, aloud, round robin style, one a month.

It’s going to need a core group of committed people to be successful. I’m thinking a minimum of five, preferably ten to fifteen.

The room is booked and I have acquired seven copies of the Complete Works. I’ve prepared some sign up sheets to capture the contact information of those who show up. I’ve arranged to meet the folks at the library before the meeting to get instructions on how to lock up afterwards.

I’m ready to go.

I just don’t know if anyone is going to show up.

We’ll see.

I’ve done everything I can think of, though.

There’s a notice in the library’s newsletter. I’ve got a website and a Facebook page. I’ve emailed the principals of all the local high schools and contacted all the local community theatres. I’ve put event listings on four general community calendars and one specifically devoted to theatre. I tracked down addresses for some folks who contribute to a local arts organization and sent personalized snail mail invitations.

I don’t know what else I could possibly do.

Press releases, maybe. I didn’t get to them in time. And it would be better to do one touting a successful first meeting, anyway.

I wonder if I’ll be able to do that.

I think there is a market for this activity in this area. It may be limited—or not. And it may take some time to get rolling.

It’s possible that I’ll be all by myself tomorrow night reading Henry VI, Pt 1.

It’s a risk.

On the other hand, I may be surrounded by a good number of Shakespeare enthusiasts.

What could be better?

I wonder.

Symmetry

The key to beauty?

Our next guest, Jaclyn Smith, has frequently been named to various list of the most beautiful people of all time. “All time,” in this context, surely refers to “within the recorded history of photography.”

I read somewhere that it’s because she has a very symmetrical face. Most people’s faces show distinct differences between the left and right sides. Jaclyn Smith’s has very few—as does Denzel Washington’s. Hence, according to this thing I read somewhere, the “most beautiful” tag. Human beings perceive this symmetry as beauty.

I’m sure that’s not all of it. You could have a completely symmetrical countenance that was otherwise abhorrent to the human eye in some way. Nonetheless, Jaclyn Smith carries that title with all the baggage, good and bad, that goes with it.

She is most known as Kelly Garrett on Charlie’s Angels. That show, jiggle-factor aside, was important to women of my generation. I know it was controversial in the feminist realm because of the jiggle factor (they did seem to end up in bathing suits more often than most private detectives do) and because, at the end of the day, they still had a male boss, but it did give us images of women pushing the boundaries of traditionally female roles.

After her time as an Angel, Ms. Smith became a fixture on TV throughout the 80’s; during the 80’s and 90’s, she grew several successful businesses, pioneering the concept of celebrity-developed brands with her clothing line for Kmart. Now, in this decade, she has been seen on TV quite often in guest spots, as host of Shear Genius and a recurring role on The District.

I have a lot of respect for people who can take a role in a phenomenon and build on it. I respect the loyalty that kept her with the show throughout its entire run. I respect the ability to diversify, to take the opportunities that have been afforded and build businesses outside of show biz. And, let’s face it, a lot of us just have a soft spot for Kelly Garrett. She was the most thoroughly nice Angel, after all.

Scatter-shot advertising

Otherwise known as spam

This blog has, after all these months, finally come to the attention of the spammers. I’ve deleted numerous comments offering to extend my reach as a blogger as well as a lot that were just excuses to post somebody’s URL. It’s not that I mind if a legitimate comment includes some reader’s actual URL. It’s just that I don’t really think all my readers have any great interest in knock-off designer luggage touted by some poster that talks about what “rattling good content” some entry is that I’ve made with what is primarily a YouTube link and a little introductory text.

So, what I’m wondering is does this actually work? Are there really bloggers who don’t see through these posts and don’t trash them before they appear? Are there really readers who will click on one of these links—with I-don’t-know-what consequences? Are there enough of them that this spambot stuff is a lucrative proposition?

Really?

Once upon a time, I had a temp job working for a department in a very large company whose primary function seemed to be to generate and oversee mass mailings of offers of additional services to their customers. Otherwise known as “junk mail.” Back then, there was a lot of talk about response rate. A 2% response rate was considered excellent. Volume was key.

This email stuff has the advantage to the sender of not costing them postage or paper. But spam filters catch a lot of it. So, now, I guess we have this other avenue. Wacky, semi-literate comments on blogs from spambots.

As a result, there are a number of solutions evolving to distinguish the real from the fake comments and to block the spammers.

It gives me a lot of satisfaction to learn about and employ as many of them as possible.

But I still wonder—wouldn’t it be easier just to make a product that was so good people wanted to buy it? It would probably end up in the blog posts, then, not tossed out as a useless comment.

He looks like me.

And that’s why last Monday was a miracle.

Last Monday, President Barack Obama was sworn in for a second term. For some, this was a hoped-for event. Others were not so pleased. Most of us, however, might be able to understand and agree that, regardless of our political opinions, there is a miracle here.

The miracle lies in a picture that one mother posted to CNN in response for their requests for photographs of viewers watching the inauguration.

The picture was not of an adult all bundled up on the mall surrounded by thousands of enthusiastic, cheering supporters.

It was a picture of a little 5-year-old boy in a t-shirt in front of a television. He was watching the official, constitutionally-mandated swearing in on the day before the big outdoor ceremony—when President Obama took the oath of office indoors in a semi-private ceremony. As the President raised his right hand, so did the little boy, and the mother’s camera caught that moment.

She asked him why he had his hand up, and he said, “Because the President looks like me!”

It reminds me of an episode of The West Wing in which Jimmy Smits as Matt Santos, the first Latino candidate for President, counters Josh’s warning not to mortgage his house for campaign funds with a story. He tells him that when he’d first gotten out of the Marines, he had applied for a Pentagon job but was having trouble with the background check. The FBI agents couldn’t find anybody in his old neighborhood who knew him. He went back to Texas, and a bunch of the neighbor kids came running up to him.

“Tio Matt, Tio Matt! The Feds. They were here lookin’ for you. We told ’em we never heard of you.”

He tells Josh, with great determination, “I am running for President in that Texas primary, and those kids are gonna see me do that.”

Life often imitates art.

Elected once, it could have been a fluke, a reaction to what is widely perceived as the abysmal Presidency of George W. Bush.

Elected twice? Those kids have seen him do that.

And that may be the biggest and best legacy of any modern President.

If I’d known then…

Networking 101

Yesterday, I talked about discovering that my network is more diverse than I think it is. That reminded me, again, of the importance of networking and how so many of us don’t think we’re very good at it.

It has a kind of slimy connotation, doesn’t it?

Networking.

All those people handing out business cards and chatting with spurious energy the whole time their eyes are scanning the room for somebody better to approach, somebody with more “contacts.” <shudder>

I think we lose a lot of time and a lot of fun and a lot of valuable relationships because of that view of “networking.” My dread of the process began to disappear when somebody pointed me toward Keith Ferrazzi‘s Never Eat Alone. I wish they’d given it to me when I was in college (except it hadn’t been written then).

You can find some of Mr. Ferrazzi’s tips and suggestions on his website, but basically, he talks in the book about building your network before you need it and about how you should really be trying to find the ways you can help the people in your network.

Try going to your next event looking for a way to help the next person you meet.

Think about it.

It gets the focus off you, so you won’t be so nervous–if you’re given to those kind of nerves. It guides your conversation–which, if you are a person who hates small talk–is invaluable. It not only guides your small talk, it makes it bigger. (Whew!) The connection will be more meaningful if you bring something to it.

Never Eat Alone is one of those life changing books. If you’re a natural extrovert, maybe you don’t need it. I, on the other hand, found it invaluable.

I’ve got a pretty good network in spite of congenital shyness. But if I’d known then. . .my niece would really have been impressed!

Of course you do!

Who knew I had a network?

I did.

To a point.

I mean, I knew I had a network of theatre colleagues. Twenty-some years involved in New York theatre, and I’d better. If I don’t, I have been seriously wasting my time.

What surprised me recently is the realization that I have a wider, more diverse network than that. And I’m very thankful to have made the discovery.

Last week, I took a trip to North Carolina with my mom. We were going to meet my brother-in-law and my niece. The purpose of the trip from our end was to hand over a car which is being passed on to my soon-to-be-licensed niece. From theirs, it was to get the car and to look at several colleges. “Soon-to-be-licensed” equates in this case, as in many, to “contemplating college applications.”

So, great!

We took a look at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill–bustling, beautiful campus–and Duke University in Durham. Not so bustling. Equally beautiful. (The students weren’t back at Duke, yet, while they were already arriving at UNC.)

All that is kind of beside the point.

When we got back to the hotel, my niece and I decided to go swimming. (Also not really the point.)

Down in the pool, treading water and trying not to get our hair too wet–(Don’t ask me. It was something about air conditioning and hair dryers)–we were discussing the colleges and what she thinks she might want to study.

She mentioned one possible career path, and I said, “You know, I know somebody who does that. If you want, I could ask him to talk with you some time.” She mentioned another possibility, and I said, “I think I was in a play with somebody once who is doing that now. I bet she’d be glad to talk to you.” A little bit later, she mentioned that she and her dad might stop to see Wake Forest on the way home. I said, “I know somebody who went to Wake Forest–” and she said, “Of course you do!”

It was funny–although maybe you had to be there–but it was also an interesting lesson.

Most of us are well aware that networking is important. A lot of us don’t think we’re very good at it.

But our networks are bigger than we think.

You know more people in more places and in more circumstances than you can possibly imagine.

Of course you do.

Advice from Agatha Christie

Be a tradesman

I’m reading Agatha Christie’s autobiography. Now, let’s not kid ourselves. The Dame has got some game.

Dame Agatha Christie is the best selling novelist of all time. She is the most translated individual author, and her works are the third most published books. Whatever criticisms may be leveled at her literary skills–deserved or not–we’d have to agree she knew something about building a career as a writer.

There’s a fascinating passage in the autobiography about the necessity for a writer to take “account of the market for his wares.”

If you were a carpenter, it would be no good making a chair, the seat of which was five feet up from the floor. It wouldn’t be what anyone wanted to sit on. It is no good saying that you think the chair looks handsome that way.

She goes on to say,

It’s no good starting out by thinking one is a heaven-born genius–some people are, but very few. No, one is a tradesman–a tradesman in a good honest trade. You must learn the technical skills, and then, within that trade, you can apply your own creative ideas; but you must submit to the discipline of form.

So, what is the point of me quoting this?

Take a couple of Tuesday Tips from Dame Agatha.

I’m about to embark on another round of play submissions. So, I’m going to read the guidelines carefully and adhere to the rules for each submission. My chair–or play–can be as handsome as you please, but if it doesn’t fit the rules, why bother to submit? And if it doesn’t fit any rules. . . well, I suppose a miracle might happen. But, it’s probably going to involve self-producing or self-publishing. If you want to market your work, you have to know the market.

The other tip — “It’s no good starting out by thinking one is a heaven-born genius.” I thought of this recently when a friend reported on a play reading that was less than wonderful but for which the writer and director wanted to hear no criticism. It seems to me that Aaron Sorkin (another writer who knows something about building a career) had it right when he had a character say, “If you’re dumb, surround yourself with smart people. If you’re smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you.”

A whole lot of praise and approval is nice for the ego. Constructive criticism and a mind open enough to hear it is better for the play.

A Thespian Thursday

Twisting your tongue into tangles

A little something for the actors in the group or teachers or anyone who has to do any public speaking.

Any time you have to get up in front of people and talk, it is a good idea to wake up your tongue. A little “Peter Piper,” a little “woodchuck chucking wood” in advance and your performance will be better.

(I saw Rachel Maddow the other day. I love Rachel Maddow–but on this particular day, she’d skipped the warm-up, I think.)

Avoid the stumbles and fumbles. Try a few tongue twisters. Say each one 3 times fast, and you’ll be ready for anything.

Alice asks for axes

Bad black bran bread

Betty Bocker bought some butter, but she said “This butter’s bitter!
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter!”
So she bought some better butter and she put it in her batter
And it made her bitter batter better.

The big black bug bit the big black bear and the big black bear bled blood

Bluebeard’s blue bluebird

Bland Bea Blinks Back

Cinnamon Aluminium Linoleum

Cheap sheep soup

Friendly fleas and huffy fruitflies

A fat-free fruit float

Greek grapes

Gig-whip

The hare’s ear heard ere the hair heeded

Ike ships ice chips in ice chips ships

June sheep sleep soundly

Keenity cleaning copper kettles

Lemon lime liniment

Much mashed mushrooms

Norse myths

Nine nice night nymphs

Awful old ollie oils oily autos

Under the mother otter uttered the other otter

A pack of pesky pixies

Poor pure Pierre

The queen coined quick clipped quips

Red leather yellow leather

Rigid rugged rubber baby buggy bumpers

Round and round the rugged rocks the ragged rascals ran their rural races

Strange strategic statistics

The sea ceaseth seething

Six sick shorn sheep

The sixth Sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick

Such a shapeless sash

The swan swam over the swell, swim swan swim
The swan swam back again, well swum swan

A ghost’s sheets would soon shrink in such suds

Thrash the thickset thug

Three free through trains

Tea for the thin twin tinsmith

What a to do to die today, at a minute or two to two.
A distinctly difficult thing to say, but harder still to do.
For they’ll beat a tattoo at twenty to two
With a rat-a-tattoo at two
And the dragon will come when he hears the drum
At a minute or two to two today, at a minute or two to two.

You know New York, you need New York, you know you need unique New York

Valuable valley villas

Real wristwatch straps

War weary warriors

Ex disk jockey

Local yokel jokes

Zithers slither slowly south

Trip over your tongue a lot? I bet, if you did, you laughed–and that’s another benefit. Laughter wakes up your diaphragm. Your voice will have more support.

There you go. All warmed up now? Knock ’em dead.

Most of these came from my work with the American Globe Theatre and Pulse Ensemble Theatre–but I’ve checked, and they all seem to be widely available elsewhere on the ‘net, so feel free to use and share.

Elaine Smith Writes

Anything She Wants

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