Elaine Smith Writes

Anything She Wants

Down with the ship

Try not to do that.

In honor of the MotH,* who although unhurt, was involved in a near maritime disaster yesterday, today’s Smith Sunday will focus on Edward J. Smith.

Of course, the MotH is not a Smith—and his near disaster was nowhere near as disastrous as that of Captain Smith.  It’s just that I don’t really know how he, the MotH, escaped injury when the ladder he was on fell off the dock onto the canoe and into the water.  So, it got me thinking about other people who went down with the ship.

One of the most famous of these—although you might not know his name—was Captain Edward J. Smith of the White Star Line.

That’s right.

The Titanic.

With all the many Smiths in the world, you have to figure a good portion of them would be involved in some disasters. Hard to think of very many more disastrous disasters, though.

Now, Captain Smith was acquitted, posthumously, of being responsible for the shipwreck.  It does seem like there are some remaining questions as to why he never slowed the ship in spite of several warnings about icebergs.

Nobody will ever know, I guess.

A, probably, unrelated fact about Captain Smith is that the ship he piloted before the Titanic also met with bad luck.  A British Royal Navy cruiser crashed into the Olympic and damaged her.  I think she managed to stay afloat, however.

So, there it is.  An object lesson in something.  I’m not sure what.  Maybe it’s about enjoying the moment to the fullest.  I’m sure Captain Smith was delighted to have been put in charge of such a grandly famous ship.  I guess we can be happy, at least, that he was at the height of his career when he went down with the ship.

R.I.P.

* MotH = Man of the House

Good grief!

A little communication would kill you, WordPress?

Totally silly, and not in a good way—what I am about to tell you.

I try to schedule blog posts in advance.  The main reason for this is I was not enjoying the jolt at 11 pm when I would suddenly think, “OMG!  I forgot to do my blog post for tomorrow!”  Life—and blogging—has been much more pleasant since I have mastered the “Schedule” function of WordPress.  (Always remembering that when I say “mastered,” I really mean “figured out how to make it work more than half the time.”)

But here’s what happened as I tried to schedule yesterday’s post.

I admit it was not my finest hour.  (It was actually only a minute, for one thing.)  But that minute could have gone so much better if only WordPress had decided to communicate more clearly.

I had been happily galumphing along scheduling posts for February 26th and 27th.  I didn’t have an idea yet for the 28th, so I skipped that.  There would be time.  (I’m ahead!  Yay!)  Two days after the 27th comes the 29th, right?

Except not, of course, in February—unless it’s Leap Year—which, you know, still confuses me.  What, exactly, is the necessity?  I can never remember.  Something about clocks, and losing seconds every hundred years, so that if we didn’t have Leap Year, along about 2250, it would be dark at 10:30 in the morning and December 25th would be in August.  Or something.)

Anyway, there’s no 29th of February this year.

But does WordPress tell me that?

Oh, no.

It just freezes.

(But not in August, at least.)

It freezes, and apparently nothing can be done.

Horror!  Dismay!  Will I lose the post?  (Admittedly, it’s probably not one of my better ones, but still—I spent time on it.)

Fortunately, and to my surprise, the Save Draft button still worked.  So, good.  I wasn’t going to lose the post.  However, the Publish date now read Feb 1st.  Already rattled by the freezing of my PC, I tried again to schedule the post for February 29th.

Another round of freezing.

This time, however, I paid attention to the tiny little red border around all the date boxes.

Is that…?  Could it mean…?  Oh!  Of course!  There is no February 29th!

Reset to March 1st, and problem solved.

Or so you would think.  But, no.  Now, it appears the post will be scheduled for March 1st, 1970.   Really?  1970?

Did somebody invent a time tunnel and forget to tell me?

So, I fixed it, of course, and the post will appear as intended and scheduled on March 1st of this year.  In fact, it already has.  (Maybe it’s me who invented the time tunnel?)

But would it have killed you, WordPress, to display an alert that said, I don’t know, something like “Invalid Date?”  You know, like almost every other software package in the world.

And maybe I’m being overly demanding, but I think you might just have mentioned that 1970 was a date in the past.  I didn’t need you to scream, “That’s forty-two years ago, you dummie!”—but a little nudge would not have come amiss.  “This date is in the past.  Are you sure?” could have been murmured in a little pop-up box.

I just mention it, you know.  Because communication is the key to any successful relationship.

TIALY!

Huh?

TIALY is an acronym my friend, Amy, and I use.  Amy had some wrist issues, once upon a time, and was using a dictation program to type.  If you’ve ever used a dictation program, you know that they are prone to errors.  This particular one, however, has entered our email and texting lexicon.  (I don’t mean the universal “our;” just Amy’s and mine.)

What Amy was trying to write was “This is hilarious.”

What the software heard was “This is a Larry, yes?”

It just struck us funny.  We laughed and laughed.  And then we decided that the comparative and superlative forms for conveying electronic amusement are:

LOL
ROFL
and…

TIALY!

None of which really has anything to do with this post, but I thought you needed to understand the headline.  And I don’t really have that much to say about this Friday’s Find, except that I find it hilarious.

It’s a term of art.  (‘Term of art’ is sort of the same thing as saying ‘technical terminology’ but, hey, we all know that I, for one, prefer art.)

It’s a term of art in the world of typesetting.

The term is CamelCase.

I don’t know why, but I find it highly amusing.  (Probably goes back to that old vaudeville tenet that K sounds are funny.*)

Anyway, if you haven’t encountered this term before it’s the term for what you see there—CamelCase —where there is a capital letter in the middle of a word.  Like ‘iPod’—a very famous example of CamelCase.

It’s called that because the capital in the middle reminded somebody of the hump on a camel’s back.

And because “camel” is funny.

TIALY!

Fleas

At the market, that is

I love flea markets.

Now, let’s be clear.  I mean real flea markets, the garage sales on steroids, not what sometimes passes for a flea market these days, the ones where they are mostly selling the fake fleas.  You know what I mean.  Tube socks in their plastic packaging, rows and rows of nail polish and clippers, sheet sets and maybe even tires.

Those are dollar stores without a roof.

A real flea market may have some of that, but it will be hard to find among the booths selling used books and mismatched crockery, three matching bar stools, assorted Christmas ornaments and a music box with the castle’s flag pole broken off.

A real flea market is a place of adventure.  Of possibility.  A place where you can save money and acquire stuff you didn’t even know you needed.  A place where creative ideas abound.  (Hey!  I could put those wheels on that box and make a cart.  Or, a little glue and a little paint, turn that shutter upside down and hang it on the wall, and I could have a nifty thing to hold mail.  Or, there are a couple of chairs for $10 bucks apiece—they’ll work until I find what I really want.)  A place to get what you need to try something you aren’t sure will work.  A $5 phone isn’t much to risk if you want to see if that phone jack on the dock is good for anything but frightening the herons.  (When one of them answers the phone, I’ll be frightened.)

One of the places where Florida has it all over New York is in flea markets.  As far as I could tell, in NYC, what passes for a flea market is the outdoor dollar store concept.  Even a street fair tended to have more seconds and stuff that fell off the back of a truck than anything else.  But down here in my new location, we’ve got flea markets!

Always good for a Saturday outing, full of potential and possibility and projects to be.

What could be better?

What would happen?

If we got some good news.

Today, I am wondering what would happen if the news at five reported only achievements and success stories.  If the ritual and almost reflexive query, “How are you?” was habitually followed by “I’m great!  I figured out a new way to teach my third graders multiplication, and 97% of the class aced the test” instead of the equally reflexive “Fine,” or worse, a litany of aches and pains and woes and grumbles.

Which is not to say that there are not dire happenings in the world and sometimes in our own lives.  We do need to be aware of inequities and dangers.  Of course, we do.  We won’t ever do anything to stop them if we don’t know about them.

But just for a minute, imagine a world where the media focus was on the advocates and the protectors instead of the instigators and perpetrators.

What if the lead story on the news could be the local Habitat for Humanity group and the house they are putting up for the single mom who lost her home in a fire?  What if it could be a feature on how your kid overcame his stage fright and made it through the piano recital?  What if it could be breaking news of a successful heart surgery instead of Lindsay Lohan’s latest court appearance.

I just wonder.

It does seem to be true that the universe hands you more of whatever it is to which attention is paid.

What if the soup kitchen that fed a hundred people today got the same coverage as the nightclub fire that killed a hundred?

Nobody really knows what would happen, because nobody has really tried it.

I will say that when I decided to start this blog, one of the early decisions was to have Monday Miracles rather than Monday Moans.  It seemed to me important to try to keep a generally positive tone.  I don’t know how well I’ve succeeded, but I do think the Monday Miracles and the Thankful Thursdays and even the Silly Saturdays have altered the energy in my own life a bit

I wonder what a focus on good news could do for yours.

Another way

Can you find one?

Sometimes, you win a race, because you are the only one who won’t quit.  (Does The Tortoise and the Hare ring any bells?)  Sheer dogged persistence can get you there, and the further you slog along, the less competition remains.

On the other hand, there is that famous Einstein quote in which insanity is defined as “doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.”

The tip for the day is keep going, but keep evaluating.  Always ask yourself can you find another way?

If someone in your life is not giving you what you need, can you find another way to ask for it?

If you aren’t achieving your objective, can you find another way to go about pursuing it?

If I’m writing a computer program and it doesn’t work, I have to find another way or give up on whatever achievement it’s designed to accomplish.

Inevitably, there are times when I just don’t know enough.  My latest javascript project comes to mind.  I would really like to give it up.  Just quit.  But, I remember what Thomas Edison said while searching for the proper material to make a filament for a light bulb:  I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

When the 10,000th way doesn’t work, it is really easy to become discouraged and frustrated.  It’s very easy to fear another 10,000 unsuccessful attempts.  But, Edison also said, Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Thomas Edison is the fourth most prolific inventor in recorded history.  And,  yes, he is famous for never giving up.   It may be more important, however, to realize that he didn’t just keep trying the same thing over and over.  He tried different things.

So, yes, of course, keep going—and as you’re going, remember to ask yourself—Could there another way?

Minor miracles

Are sometimes the best

I have a new notebook (the old-fashioned kind—with paper) today.  And a newly filled fountain pen.  The possibilities are endless.

It doesn’t seem like much, does it?  But this is the notebook and pen I will use for Morning Pages for many weeks to come.  Having a new one means a) I’ve filled the old one—proof of adherence to a habit I’ve come to value and b) a renewed commitment to it.

Of course, I’ve always loved new notebooks and pens since long before Morning Pages.  The best thing about a new school year was the new supplies.  Notebooks, pencil boxes, a lunch box.  (I’m thinking I may shop for a lunch box again.  I’ve nowhere to go that requires me to pack a lunch, but maybe a nice lunch box would prompt me to think ahead about a decent meal every day.  Maybe.)

I do love computers, but a notebook and a pen are slightly more versatile.  You can take a notebook out on a boat, for instance.  It will function without electric cords, adapters or batteries.  They come smaller and lighter than cell phones, even, the better to scribble notes on the go.

I like my notebooks to be of the non-fancy type.  Don’t get me wrong.  I dearly love to look at the leather bound beauties in the stationery store or the ones with ornate cloth covers.  It’s just that I am intimidated by the artistry of the binding.  Surely a  notebook of this type, I think, must be reserved for thoughts of the highest order.  Consequently, I never have any thoughts at all when faced with such an exquisite holder for them.

I did once see something that might have given me the best of both worlds, but I didn’t buy it in time, and they don’t carry it anymore.  It was a leather cover for the old-fashioned composition books.  You know the kind.  You can get them for $1 now.  This cover was removable.  You could have the pleasure of a leather-clad notebook, but it could be replaced when full.

Self-indulgence without waste.

If I ever see it again, I’m buying it without hesitation.

Meantime, I have a new notebook!

Symmetry

The key to beauty?

Our next guest, Jaclyn Smith, has frequently been named to various list of the most beautiful people of all time.  “All time,” in this context, surely refers to “within the recorded history of photography.”

I read somewhere that it’s because she has a very symmetrical face.  Most people’s faces show distinct differences between the left and right sides.  Jaclyn Smith’s has very few—as does Denzel Washington’s.  Hence, according to this thing I read somewhere, the “most beautiful” tag.  Human beings perceive this symmetry as beauty.

I’m sure that’s not all of it.  You could have a completely symmetrical countenance that was otherwise abhorrent to the human eye in some way.  Nonetheless, Jaclyn Smith carries that title with all the baggage, good and bad, that goes with it.

She is most known as Kelly Garrett on Charlie’s Angels.  That show, jiggle-factor aside, was important to women of my generation.  I know it was controversial in the feminist realm because of the jiggle factor (they did seem to end up in bathing suits more often than most private detectives do) and because, at the end of the day, they still had a male boss, but it did give us images of women pushing the boundaries of traditionally female roles.

After her time as an Angel, Ms. Smith became a fixture on TV throughout the 80’s; during the 80’s and 90’s, she grew several successful businesses, pioneering the concept of celebrity-developed brands with her clothing line for Kmart.  Now, in this decade, she has been seen on TV quite often in guest spots, as host of Shear Genius and a recurring role on The District.

I have a lot of respect for people who can take a role in a phenomenon and build on it.  I respect the loyalty that kept her with the show throughout its entire run.  I respect the ability to diversify, to take the opportunities that have been afforded and build businesses outside of show biz.  And, let’s face it, a lot of us just have a soft spot for Kelly Garrett.  She was the most thoroughly nice Angel, after all.

 

The epitome of silliness

And I’m still mad about it.

This is a bit of silliness that is not fun at all—or, probably, even of much interest to most of you—so, please forgive me if you were looking forward to an ordinary Silly Saturday.  This nonsense happened a couple of weeks ago, and I’m still steamed about it.

A little background:  I was working on adapting a little open source Javascript program for an online event on which I help out.  We had a little game that involved pictures.  We wanted it to change to a different set of pictures each day of the event.

I’m kind of a Javascript newbie, but I had managed to create some code that would change picture sets depending on the date.  It wasn’t elegant code (since I am a Javascript newbie) and was somewhat constricted to the actual dates of the event.

This meant that prior to the event, no pictures would display.  This made it kind of hard to test, and it also made it impossible to demonstrate it to the rest of the committee.

So, I had to figure out a way to change its behavior prior to the start date of the event.  And I thought I did.  I entered some code that said, basically, if today’s date is before the start date, do these things, and if today’s date is after the start date, do these other things.

I proceeded to test this new code by manually changing the system date on my PC to each day up to and including the start date to see what would happen.

Everything went fine until I hit the start date.  At that point, the set of things the program did continued to be the original set of things and not the new set of things that were supposed to start with the event.

I double-checked all my code.  Commas, parentheses, brackets, etc.  I double-checked my system date.  I went back to the Javascript tutorials and references online. I re-thought my logic.

Nothing!

Hours of frustration!

Eventually (shamefully late, actually), I figured out a way for the program to display what it thought the start date I had entered was.

Suddenly, I see that it thought the date entered as (2013, 2, 2) was March 2nd!

March!

Now, I ask you!  In all the entirety of the Western World, is there a person alive who would read month 2 as March?  Maybe, in those countries where they follow a lunar calendar, and sometimes have thirteen months, someone might have thought of this.  Maybe.

But, in my entire life, in every classroom in which I’ve ever sat, January is month 1 and we proceed to count February, March, April, etc. as months 2, 3, 4 and so on.

But not in Javascript.

No!

In Javascript, for no good reason that I have been able to discover, you count months starting from 0.  January is month 0 and December is month 11.

If that isn’t the epitome of silliness, I don’t know what is!  And, what, I want to know, prevented any of the tutorials I was studying from mentioning that little fact somewhere in the vicinity of their explanations for how to use dates in Javascript?

This whole thing was not only silly, it was damn silly!

On the other hand, I’ll probably never make that mistake again, so I guess there’s that.

 

Tie a knot

and move on.

The Duke of Wellington (of Waterloo fame) said of the French, “They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid set of harnesses. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot and went on”

I think of that quote often when things are not going just as planned, but philosophy is not really the point of this post.  I just thought I’d throw it in there.

Today, I want to talk about actual knots, because I found this really cool website that shows you how to tie them in a way that you can actually understand.

Animated Knots

Now, you may ask yourself why this is important.

Maybe it isn’t.

You may get through your entire life without having to tie a knot.

But I spent 19 days on a boat once.  It turned out to be useful to know how to tie up to a dock.  And an anchor.  If it had been a sail boat, I’d have needed a lot more knots—and probably a lawyer.  Sailing involves a lot more judgment calls than power boating, and the MotH* and I would probably have killed each other—after we ran into a lot of things.  I might get a Windpaddle some day (when I’m feeling flush) and just try it, but that’s another post, too.

The thing about me and knots is roughly the same thing about me and Gin Rummy.

I have had Gin Rummy explained to me countless times.  I’ve played Gin Rummy.  If you asked me to sit down for a game right now, you would have to explain it to me again.  I cannot retain the information.

I don’t really understand that, because I can remember how to play poker and Old Maid and even Piquet (which almost nobody knows how to play nowadays).  I can’t remember how to play Mau-Mau, but that doesn’t count.  I’m convinced my brother was making up those four thousand rules as he went along.

Anyhow, me and cards—that’s probably also a post for another day (lots of diverse post ideas in this one, and I still haven’t gotten to the point!).

The point is I have trouble remembering how to tie knots.  Even the Square Knot that comes with a mnemonic (right over left and left over right) causes me trouble.  Is right always right?  Or do you switch hands when the rope crosses?

But I’ve found animatedknots.com, and I am going to master some things.  I’ll probably never know how to play Gin Rummy, but this time next year, I am going to know how to tie a bowline!

 

 

* MotH = Man of the House


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