Elaine Smith Writes

Anything She Wants

Too old to die young

That’s what I’m aiming for.

Although, it sometimes seems to me that I am already there—and that’s what I’m wondering about today.  How did that happen?  And, more importantly, when?

By some objective measurements, of course, I’m already too old to die young.  Jesus only made it to 33.  Lennon to 40.  I am—what?—relieved? distressed? surprised?—to report that I have passed those milestones.

On the other hand, according to the actuarial tables, I’ve got a bit more time.  And I read somewhere that those of us who could make it through the next twenty years had a good chance of living well over a hundred.  That must have been seven or eight years ago, now, so I’m well on my way.

But I’m sitting here with more dental bills than I like to consider and wondering why it’s so much harder to lose weight than it used to be and, most irksomely, gearing up to do the physical therapy exercises for my frozen shoulder.

The only thing about the frozen shoulder that is remotely comforting is the number of stories that turn up on Google of people much younger than I with the same condition.

It is hard, however, not to feel like I’ve crossed some invisible barrier.

Over the Mason-Dixon line into old age.

As if the mere act of moving to the Sunshine State has flipped a switch and forced me to join the geriatric set.

I went from almost always being the youngest person in the room to often being one of the oldest—without ever having recognized a time period when everybody in the room was a contemporary of mine.

I suspect some of that is due to a long involvement in theatre.  Even in high school, the drama club crossed age lines.  Your fellow actors were just as likely to be seniors as freshmen.  I don’t attend high school reunions for that reason.  Most of my friends weren’t part of my class.

When I got to New York, it was even more obvious.  Nobody was using shoe polish in his hair to play the grandfather.  The producer had hired an actual grandfather—or, at least, someone who could have been one.

So, I don’t think about age all that often.

Except, now I do.

The guy at the auto parts store yesterday insisted on carrying the battery out to the car, “because I wouldn’t want my mother to have to carry this.”

And people “ma’am” me.  Of course, I’m in the south, so that’s less horrifying than it might otherwise be.

The shoulder is the thing that’s most troublesome.

I was doing yard work.  I was painting the house, moving furniture, scrubbing floors and shelving books.

And then, all of a sudden, I wasn’t.

When did that happen?

 

The Fountain of Youth

 It is here in Florida.

They say that you keep yourself young by continuing to learn new things.

I say there’s probably a lot of truth to that.

I also say does it have to be boring things?  Scary things?  As we get older, suddenly we need to learn about a host of medical issues–bone loss, prostate troubles, hearing aids and more stuff to do with our teeth than the actual number of teeth we probably still have!

Fortunately, I’m still young enough that the worst is yet to come.  On the other hand, my husband is a good bit older than I, and I’ve moved a lot closer to my mom.

What actually started me thinking about this post wasn’t the delights of aging.  It was thinking about all the new things I’ve had to learn since we bought Casa Lagarto, and the one new thing on the horizon.

I have a well, now.  An aerator.  Security lights and alarm systems.  A septic tank and a drain field.  A gas fireplace.  One enormous exhaust fan in the garage.  A hot water heater, a central vacuum and an air handler.

I didn’t have all of that when I lived in an apartment.  And the one thing I did have that made whatever else I had incidental was a super.  Yay, Santos!  I miss him.

My latest area of investigation–having done the whole air conditioner, fireplace, boat lift thing–is drainage.  Because it rained so much in August (30 out of 31 days) and it came down so fast sometimes that the ground could not absorb it.  I watched small boggy places grow into puddles and then grow into pools where goldfish could have swum.  And then I watched them come up over the concrete slab of the front porch and head for the front door.

My neighbor said, “Did they tell you?  If we have a hurricane, you will have water coming in your front door.”

Great.

To be honest, I am doubtful that it will come in the front door.  We’ve just had more rain than we’ve had in a hundred years, I’m told.  I’m not sure, however, how that is any insurance that we won’t have more at some point.  Like the investing prospectuses all say:  “Past performance is no guarantee of future results.”

So, I’m looking for solutions to–I don’t know–re-contour the ground?  Re-route the water?  Gutters, maybe, would be a good first step.  There’s a thing that looks like a horizontal set of Venetian blinds that might work.  (If I could remember what it’s called long enough to Google it.)  I’ve already bought a thing called a Hydrabarrier which looks like it might be quite effective.

Meanwhile, anybody know anything about French drains?